Yesterday we went to a friend's house who has two very cute and very well behaved little boys - a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Ava was a really good girl, but Madeleine..... she actually kept hitting the 1 year old in the head with toys! I could NOT believe it, and I was SO embarassed (Sorry Susan!)
I immediately picked her up and said NO, and took the toy away, but as soon as I put her back down she went straight over to him and did it again! I didn't know I'd have to discipline her this early. I asked one of my good friends today what to do - she is a GREAT mom and I would love for my kids to turn out like her kids. She told me I need to start working on teaching her "gentle" and "soft." I hope it works... Now I'm a little worried - what I do to her is going to shape what kind of person she is. That is a HUGE responsibility! What if I mess up? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
9 comments:
Here's what I do - I take the erring toddler's hand gently and say "nice touching" while gently modeling nice touching (patting the other child's head, hugging a doll, whatever) and then I change the topic and show her a book or something. You don't want her to figure out that being rough is a quick way to get lots of excitement and attention.
Hi, Beth. As you know I have no experience, BUT when I read the life story of Saint Gianna, something in there caught my eye. In one of the letters that she wrote to her husband before they got married, she said that when they had children, she wanted to raise them "by persuasion." I had never seen that expression before, but I really made note of it since it sounded so intriguing to me and it came from a Saint and everything. Anyway, just thought I'd share that.
I agree with Beck. At this age, you can't discipline them as much as redirect and distract. Model the behavior for her, over and over, and she'll eventually get it.
When Isaac was about her age, I remember hearing from a mother of six that she didn't think that kids under two should be disciplined (as in time outs, privileges revoked), and I didn't think I agreed at the time. But now, I get it. As they grow, you can see their understanding changing. For now, redirect, redirect, redirect.
She is just experimenting to see what will happen! I agree to work on "gentle" and "soft," getting her redirected, and never to make a game out of "ouch, that hurt!" You are a great mommy and God will give you everything you need to parent her.
Great. She and Mary would be quite a team if we put them together. They'd both have black eyes in five minutes.
Like everyone said, at her age you just keep doing what you did. Tell her no, move her to some other activity. Lots of repitition is called for in this situation. My 2 1/2 year old is still in a hitting phase and we are working on it. Hopefully Madeline will outgrow it more quickly. :)
Ditttos to what everyone is saying. It seemed to me Madeleine was just exploring her environment (I've never seen someone my size, I wonder what he does?). Heading off the hitting by showing her how to be gentle now will be better for the future. That is what we did with James. Madeleine is such a fast learner and she imitates really well I bet it will be no time at all before she knows what "be gentle" means. It works especially well when they have younger siblings. :)
A- you're not going to mess her up. Will you make mistakes - of course, we are human, we all make mistakes. However, the fact that you care so dearly for her is 99.9 percent of the battle. B - look at it this way - thing things you DON'T do - could hurt her worse then the things that you DO do. Meaning, if you do not discipline her, then this is going to shape her into someone totally different then if you do. You are a fantastic mother - don't ever let your thoughts or someone else tell you different.
They turn into stinkers around a year ;-) Just model "gentle" and pat the baby gently to show her how. If all else fails, redirect a million times. She will eventually get it! I've been saying "gentle" to Merrin since she was born, and now if she gets rough and I tell her to be gentle, she says, "Den-tol!" and she pats me (or the baby or whoever) very softly.
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