I know it's coming up. Most of the time I try not to think about it. But it is NEXT month. It will be here before we know it.
Leo went to the ENT this week to see if she recommended ear tubes at the same time as his cleft repair. While we were there she diagnosed an ear infection (I had NO IDEA!) and recommended tubes. It only takes 10 minutes during his other surgery, and anesthesia is the biggest risk. He'll already be under so it is fine with me.
The nurse practitioner came in and asked when his surgery was, I said February (that's all I know so far and it's making me annoyed they haven't called me yet). She said, "Are you excited??" I was like.... "Uh, I am excited to get it over with, but not looking forward to that day and the recovery." She said, "Oh he'll breeze right through it."
I don't quite believe that, but it was nice to hear a medical professional say it.
The truth is, he has to get the top of his mouth peeled like a banana, bone, muscle and skin stitched together, anesthesia, arm restraints for 3 weeks, soft foods for 4 weeks, and no more bottle and paci afterwards. He doesn't even know anything is wrong, yet one day he'll wake up and go to the hospital and everything will be different, he'll be in pain, and he won't get two of the most comforting things ever again. This makes me very sad and scared. I'm actually having some anxiety about it.
However, when it's over and he's healed, he will be able to eat so much more food, he'll be able to drink out of a cup, learn how to suck, learn how to talk, and start his normal life.
Sometimes I wonder WHY WHY WHY did this have to happen to him (to us?) But, then I think, what an honor it was to be chosen by God to be his mother! He trusted me enough to give me a child who needs some extra care. I will always do my very best to take care of him. He's changed all our lives for the better. I'm so happy we have him, cleft and all.
So everyone, please pray us through this. I know that Grandma will be praying for him up in heaven too, and that definitely gives me comfort. I'm hoping we get this thing scheduled soon.
19 comments:
I think you are the only Momma that would pump for him 24-7! Even in the movie theater. :) LOL God was like - no sew doesn't get him, he will starve!!! LOL
Praying for you, I can't imagine!
I am excited for you new life once his surgery has fixed him even though he is perfect! :)
Prayers for you Beth!
Oh, Beth, I have the same thoughts and fears and worries. Then, I try to calm myself and remember that God made him this way for a reason and these little boys can handle it....and we can too.
Just today, I was thinking about (well, I think about it every day) how Simeon loves his hands held and how I'll be holding his hands after his kidney tests and surgeries and cleft stuff...right now, the cleft stuff seems so tiny compared to the kidney stuff...one thing at a time I guess, but when I think about the cleft stuff, it's big too...one thing at a time. It's going to be a long year.
Remember that God is already there, that 2 months from now, the surgery will be over and it will be all healing time. This will form him into the little boy God wants him to be. (and you are giving me courage and strength, as I'm sure you are to many others)
Sending prayers your way.
I don't think a lot of people, including me, realize the extra care he needs. What would he normally be doing now that he cannot b/c of his palate issue?
I totally understand the anxiety. I am anxiety ridden about everything. I would have similar worries that he would do great with the actual surgery and recovery but everything he'd known up til that point that was familiar or a comfort to him (paci, bottles, etc) were suddenly gone and there was no way to explain to him. I don't mean to say this to upset you or emphasize it nmore:) Just that I understand where your anxiety comes from and I am worrying with you:0 We will pray soooo hard for him to transition well and hopefully his newfound "abilities" will make up for what he has to give up!
You definitely have my prayers Beth! Little Leo is so lucky to have an amazing mama like you!
Definitely praying for all of you!
Poor little guy, it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about what he'll go through. Will be praying. . .
I hurt so much for you.
:(
You'll have so many prayers during that time! Just remember it WILL be temporary, and eventually he'll feel NO more pain and be so much better off.
Prayers to you. You're an awesome Momma.
Beth, we will be praying for sweet Leo! Just keep remembering that the most comforting thing in the whole world is snuggling with you. When he wakes up in that hospital bed, the first thing he will see is your smiling face.
And our lovely Mother Mary will be cradling him the whole time he is in surgery. :)
Hugs and prayers, and let me know if there is anything I can do to help!
I would be the same. And the anticipation is the worst. I don't blame you for all your worries. We will pray you and Leo through it, so you won't be alone! He is going to have the most beautiful life. Well, he already does, but it's gonna get even better! Hugs!
This posts makes me cry. I am crying my eyes out right now. So happy that he was given to your family, yet sad he has to undergo a tramatic life changing surgery. I know what it is like the have a baby in the hospital and the rest of your family at home needing you too, so I will pray extra hard that everyone in your family is blessed with grace during this season of healing for Leo!
I can feel your anxiety and worry through the words you have written here.
Beth, your feelings are very understandable. God loves you so much, has equipped you to be the mother Leo needs through this, and is also preparing baby Leo for what he will be going through soon.Please know we are praying SO much for you. Is there anything we can do for you? We would be happy to come up and help out in any way, even if only for emotional support. I can't wait until you get a surgery date either.
We love you and we LOVE baby Leo so much. I cannot WAIT til you are well on the road to recovery.
Oh how heartbreaking. Poor little man. We will pray!
Oh this post just breaks my heart. Thank God Leo has had you as his momma and will be able to look up into your loving, familiar face when he comes out of anesthesia. YOU will be his whole world at the moment and as he recovers. We'll certainly be praying for all of you!
It's so hard like you said- baby doesn't know anything is wrong, then suddenly they are in the hospital and strange things are happening to them! But he will get through it because God placed him in your wonderful family for just that reason!!! I will pray for you!
He will have some comfort in YOU though! My heart breaks for you too but what a great gift you can give him. Because we adopted internationally, I can't help but think of all the kids that don't get the kind of help they need. Leo was given just the right mama to fix him! Prayers for him and you hon. It's high trauma now but in a year it'll be a distant memory.
We will be praying for Leo and your whole family as you prepare for his surgery. Do you have anyone who has experienced this type of surgery with their child? If not, I have a friend I might be able to link you too so that she can offer some support, especially to let you know how her daughter recovered.
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