What is going on?! For the past several days Madeleine has been SO fussy. She screams whenever I put her down, and won't nap unless I'm holding her. It's kind of hard to take care of an 18 month old at the same time when I have to hold her all day long. And even when I hold her sometimes it doesn't help.
Am I eating something that doesn't agree with her?
Am I spoiling her?
Is there something wrong with my parenting?
Maybe she's going through a growth spurt and not getting enough to eat? Maybe she is not getting enough quality naps?
Is she just a high maintenence kid?
I don't want to let her cry (although I've done that for 5 or 10 minutes here or there when, you know, I need to take a quick shower, go to the bathroom, etc).
Grace was so helpful yesterday. I had to leave Madeleine in her bouncy seat when I went upstairs to get Ava out of her crib and change her diaper. By the time we got back down, Madeleine was screaming and Ava was screaming too. Grace went over to Madeleine and made funny faces until she stopped. Then I had to pick her up and put her in the sling b/c that is the only way she'll nap (and she'd been up for several hours!) Ava was crying because she wanted me to hold her instead of the baby. Grace tried lots of different things to help Ava, and finally got her to stop crying by giving her some chips and juice.
But seriously, I need some advice. When Ava was this age, she used to just hang out and watch the world in her bouncy seat, and eventually fall asleep. Madeleine is not happy unless I'm holding her or she's in the sling. When I'm doing these things, she's a very happy, smiley baby. But I just can't hold her all day and also take care of Ava and get anything else done. What can I do? Any advice? Please tell me this is just a phase.
Madeleine and Grace, my little helper 
9 comments:
You are not spoiling her! She is not quite 3 months old, right? This might really be a phase. Have you started eating anything different recently? I know it is hard, but try to stay calm and relaxed as much as you can. I didn't think this mattered, but by the 4th kid I realized it did. With my first I was so tense when she was upset, but I learned to relax more with each kid. I think it will pass, but if it persists or she really is not sleeping, you might call your doctor's office and speak to a nurse. I'll pray for you.
Aw - that little Buddha belly again!
:)
Far be it from me to dole out advice, but I think some babies just cry more than others.
It's nothing serious if she stops crying when you pick her up - it's not like an illness or injury - she'd be fussy all the time if that were the case.
My husband the baby expert says that babies only have ONE way to communicate - crying. It doesn't necessarily mean she's sad or upset or uncomfortable - ANY stress that she has to release, any message that she has to communicate (even "Hey, Mom, I'm still over here, remember?") is going to be conveyed through crying.
Anyway, that doesn't make it any easier to hear that sound.
It's awful, and I hope she snaps out of it soon.
She's not spoiled, and you're not a bad parent. :) Babies fuss sometimes. Babies know what they need and how to get it. She wants to be close to you, needs to be close to you. At this age, a baby's wants and needs are the same, and you are right to respond sensitively to them. An attachment parented, ecologically breastfed baby wants and needs to be with mom most of the time. It's normal, so try to roll with it. If you compare her to your little charge, who I assume was bottle fed and scheduled, you'll be very disappointed. Your baby just isn't going to do the same things that Ava did. It's apples and oranges. Just like I've been telling my sister over at her blog. :)
You can check what you're eating to see if she's reacting badly to something...dairy is the biggest culprit (even the smallest amount), and anything gassy (cabbage, onions, garlic, anything cruciferous). Babies have a growth spurt at around two months, so you can expect some fussiness and increased nursing at that time. If you have decided to vaccinate her, she may be reacting to things in the shots. If she's used to sleeping on your body or in the sling, she simply isn't going to fall asleep alone in a bouncy seat.
You're doing something very difficult, watching 3 children at once, one of whom is a newborn. It's a different case than if the other two kids were yours, and then you had a baby. The learning curve on your first is huge.
I highly recommend Dr. Sears' books, if you need some reassurance and ideas. He's excellent, very pro-BF and attachment parenting, has 8 children himself so he knows of what he speaks. HTH.
Poor thing. Is she going to be up to meeting me this weekend. I have to work till 1 your time on Saturday but am hoping to come up for a visit after that. I may stop at the B's first and visit with you Sunday. What are your plans? I will call you.
yeah, everything my sister said she has just told me. i was always used to content bottle fed and scheduled babies when i babysat. what is with my kid?? i appreciate that she loves me THAT much but really! One month makes all the difference so hang in there til 3 or 4 months old.
Babies do go through fussy stages and sometimes for no apparent reason. I think growth spurts can cause them, their little tummies keep signaling them to eat, eat, eat! Also, she could be teething. My earliest teether had 2 teeth by age 2 months. All of mine got teeth early, but that was the earliest. I'd also try some gas drops just to see if that helps. Hang in there! Your a great Mommy so don't beat yourself up!!
Kathryn
All of my kids have gone through "phases" like that. No rhyme or reason... they just cried and cried unless I held them. I've spent many, many, many days doing nothing but holding a kid and trying to get to everything else one-handed.
I am sorry you're going through this, but it WILL PASS. It is just a temporary thing (although a mighty frustrating one...)
Hi, Beth...I don't have an email address for you, so please pardon the comment reply to your comment on my blog.
I have to tell you, I think that pumping before each feeding is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Don't do it...what a waste of time and effort! A good burping between breasts will get rid of any air she swallows during letdown. I'm sorry, but I just think that's a crazy waste of time.
Yes, caffeine can cause fussiness...I started drinking coffee with my second child, and he reacted badly to it. I stopped, and he got better. Chai has a lot of dairy. I've had to completely avoid dairy in all forms with two of my babies until about 9 or 10 months. So you can try that. It's very much trial and error with foods/caffeine into the breastmilk. Try taking all of the potentially problematic foods out of your diet completely, for one week, then add them in, just one at a time, every 3-4 days and see what happens. Be aware, too, that a food reaction from what you eat, into the breastmilk, can take up to 24 hours to show fussiness/gas in baby. We have tons of food allergies here, so I know this is a pain. But worth it if you can pin down an offensive food.
Check that you're drinking enough water, and that your diet is nutritious, too. Don't fret over your milk supply unless she's not having enough wet and poopy diapers. Don't go by how your breasts feel or if she seems satisfied or not...go by the diapers. Kellymom.com has some excellent resources on this.
If you think your supply needs a boost, Fenugreek is a wonderful galactagogue...take 2 capsules/3 times a day and give it a few days to work. You should smell it (slightly maple syrupy smell) on your skin to know you're taking enough. It is completely harmless to baby. There is also a Mother's Milk tea that works well. Theses will increase supply, if you think you need to.
I know it's tempting to give her a bottle. My sister is always wanting to do that too. You may be surprised that she won't take one. :) Ask Brenda about that. And really, it won't make her more content. Formula babies SEEM more content because they use up so much energy digesting that horrible formula...that's why they sleep more and longer. Breastfed babies have the perfect, most easily digested food available, so their energy goes to being awake and alert, learning and interacting with their world. They don't sleep as much. Plus, she may react badly to the formula. I know it seems like an easy fix, but you risk messing with your postpartum ammenorrhea with any supplementing. And formula is no match for mother's milk.
It really could just be a fussy period...babies have those. Do whatever it takes to make her happy...extra holding, slinging, nursing, nap nursing. Give her what she needs, and she'll get past it. They are just "high need" days...we all have them, even babies. Just give the extra holding and nurturing that she needs.
Babies usually go through a very needy/clingy phase just before a developmental milestone...she's about to start rolling over and about to really start babbling and being a part of her world. It happens with every milestone...sitting up, crawling, walking. Babies go through an intense clingy period just beforehand, as if to say, "Hey, mom...things are getting interesting/exciting/hard/scary..I need to check in with home base here and make sure things are good with us before I go off on my own." That's been my experience with my three.
Sorry so long; hope it is helpful.
Beth,
Can you e-mail me at wardnine@msn.com?
Thanks!
:)
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